Warning: EMOOOOOOOOO angst angst time
Couple/Fandom: I like to shake things up/My Console
There was a real darkness about this whole situation, shrouded in unbelievable tales of never ending travel and forgotten pasts of curses and death. He had always considered himself an evil entity, that much he was certain of. He had been conceived as the creature of death himself, crawling out of the womb in preparation to dismantle anything that was a threat. He understood what it was like to have to deal with an inner demon.
It wasn't something that he could explain easily.
It wasn't until a few months ago that he began to see through it all; to see that there was another far more dangerous creature in his presence. He hadn't been able to pinpoint it at first; the smell had been hard to distinguish. He found out later that this was because of a very convincing package. A covering he wasn't quite ready to unwrap yet, and for sure he wasn't ready to expose this whole thing. It had been cleverly disguised with annoyance, a friend and sometimes the occasional glance that made the demon emerge more visibly.
It wasn't a demon of death like he was, and it was most certainly not any sort of demon he had ever encountered perviously. This monster lurked in the living room, sometimes in the halls and most usually in the depths of the house where he spent most of his days. It was always just out of reach, unable to fully grasp onto and near impossible to understand. When it started to become more visible, when the tips of its horns and the curl of its tail were etched into his brown eyes he began to see the monster for what it was.
It wasn't something he needed to fight, and it wasn't something waiting to challenge him. It was soft, and overall a kind and generous type of demon that he had known all of his life. It had lived in his mother and his brother, and still inhibited his son and its mother. This was far more threatening than a creature of darkness. This was what drew him in, the only thing he knew that could confine him in his own mind.
It wasn't going to end well. A bloody mess would be easier to clean up; a bloody mess was how this was shaped. He wanted to end it quickly and as painlessly as possible. He wanted to just grab the creature lurking in the corners and get what he needed. He had done it before, and Ladon knows he could and would do it again if need be.
But, it wasn't that simple anymore. He had been rooted, he was firm in the dirt and didn't remember how to escape anymore. This demon wasn't the same, not rough around the edges and easy to dig his claws into. There was no possibility of a thin red light to help him and there were too many mirrors surrounding him to remind him of what he was. Of what he'd done. He knew that if he made the same mistakes there was a possibility of destroying the only kind and gentle demon he had ever known. It would mangle everything, quite possibly everyone in retrospect.
He couldn't approach this properly, not without possibly breaking some sort of otherworldly barrier. There were other demons, so many different ones in such close proximity to himself. Demons that whispered secrets of the forbidden, of trial and error, of stealing innocence and of forgetting. All of them were so intricately connected, all of them were so simple to rip apart.
But he couldn't bring himself to do that.
Instead he nursed the demon in the darkness, whispered to it words that seemed very meaningless at that point. It wasn't true, everything he said he meant with full intentions, even if it seemed impossible. Dodging eyes and vaulting words, burying rumors and trying as hard as he possibly could to make everything seem normal. To make everything seem safe and hidden; to make everything seem fabricated and secretive.
He loved this darkness as much as he had loved any other, and the rip of guilt was beginning to take its toll. He was much too old for something this irresponsible, and he was too responsible for something so old.
He loved him, to be sure, but there was no way to tame a demon of this nature. There was no way to tame lying, cheating, disaster and heartache.
It wasn't really something that he could explain easily.
God I need to stop writing retardedly like this lolz